Picasa’s Magic…
When u dont get what u want!!!
When you don’t get what you want!! what to do?? Dial-a-friend and ……….smile obviously
One of my best friends had this episode Last night. And since I was involved in his counseling, I think I should write for me, you and hum…a philosophical chat…(though it was a never ending chat, have tried to shorten it)
His name his Mr….lets give him a fictitious name Mr. Ch* (maarega saala mujhe kissi din), but still lets talk and more importantly lets write. Let the pole go into the hole (I mean the hole in his heart). Ya! Incase you are a shit like him who can’t understand this metaphor (or whatever you call it), let me make it clear…he has his HEART BREAK-UP (hello why call me!! dial 101)…or something BREAK-UP or GOD knows what all BREAK-ed in him.
For first 10 minutes, all I could hear was a shattered narration of some cyclone-affected human body.
Me: what happened
Him: …DREAMS SHATTERED, HEART SINKING, MIND NOT DOING THE THINKING JOB…. (and God knows what all good things happened with him…may be he tasted shit and was telling me the symptoms…may be some cyclone developed inside his body)
Me: Brother what happened
Him (sadness to extremes, whining situations): Yaar aaj DIL toot gaya…vo saalon ke sapne toot gaye
Me: Okie, first tell me where you are?
Him: Maut se ek kadam duur
Me [sarcastically]: Chal badiya hai, at atlast you got there. Humari aisi kissmat kahan”
Him [Sunny-Deol types]: B ke ****, MC kaisa dost hai tu…, U thinking am talking F*** here
Me: ok calm down first, sorry, may you go-on n please everything in full-details
Him: Yaar, I called her today…right now
Me: You mean around 1 AM in this lovely dark night
Him: Ya
Me: Great…aage bol
Him: I told her about my situation
Me: What
Him: That I can’t stop pondering about her…and today she has to give the answer of that question in Boolean terminology
Me: Good, Digital Logic inserted in between…rascal
Him: Yaar am serious…that day jab we met, I felt strongly to indirectly know the answer through questions like what she thought me?, whether she liked me or not…
Me: What was the reply?
Him: The lady replied ‘Me dunno know much about you’…but today I asked her directly and told her as a friend please answer in simple Y/N. And she chose N against Y
Me: You asked the reason?
Him: I did. She replied – ‘I never thought of you in that manner. I can understand your feelings but __ (rechristened to Mr. Ch* here), me never had that mutual understanding w.r.t type of feelings you are talking about.
Him: I even asked her about whether it is possible in future. The simple, sweet and most importantly honest reply was even more HEART BREAKing [a pathetic giggle]
Me: Tell me that simple, sweet and honest reply
Him: Her words – ‘And I can’t see that coming in future.’
Me [suprized with unintended smile]: Okay, thats a really simple and SWEET answer. So, what’s the problem now!!
Him: Help me get over this BREAK-UP thing…
Me: What BREAK-UP!! I wonder whether it was ever a UP at any time. Come on dude, don’t tell you didn’t understand her reply…do you understand importance of the word ‘mutual’…I dunno think there was any duplex sharing of interest ever in your case and to say the bottomline – she wasn’t your love EVER!! What am going to say is harsh but true – your as*hole were having hallucinations which were totally absurd and seriously self-pleasing. Man! Your way and her way of thinking are drastically diverging and are wrong paths. And about the future thing, me must acknowledge the girl. Atleast she isn’t playing or giving flirting type answers. In my eyes it’s a very decent reply…don’t derive wrong ad-hoc conclusions.
Him: [pause…he must have tears in his eyes after this reply i.e. my counseling…even devil not smiling here]
Him: Yaaaaaar…where am I now? [a low decibel shout]
call disconnect -> redial -> I called back and the story continues…
Me: Calm down…nothing has happened. See the best way to live life is to see everything in a positive sense. Tension kya be…
Him: [silent…silent…silent…he simply lost it…either he lost his power of speech or MTNL was playing tricks]
Me: Hello…Hello __(Ch*). (oye,, Where is he??…thoughts of him committing suicide coming into my mind…fear…horror…)
Him: (after 2 sec), ya am here
Me: Bas****, you just F***ed me…
(back to normal vocals)
Be fine…see, frankly and honestly I would say the fault is all yours! And if you I want I can tell you. You can be more cautious next time to try (hunk’s giggle…imagine yourself)
Him: Bol
Me: The fault lies in your views basically. In relationships, you can’t be highly optimistic. It is not a machine with whom you are expecting some satisfactory results. You are dealing with humans. And humans are random. You just can’t deceide any relationship’s fate based upon your optimistic view. “Expectations always lead to disappointments”, one of my principles of life and am really cool about that.
Ch*, my friend just try to shift your optimism onto the career side. Be an optimist while you are dealing with team members in projects, presentations and more crap things. And you will a more successful life…
Him: Sahi keh raha hai
Me: And one thing more – try to see things with rationalism and practicality. Try to understand that you can’t create feelings; Remember that one-liner ‘feelings can’t be created, but feelings can create things’!! And about her, just leave her, if that feel comes to her, you are lucky or else do…hmmm…anything (apart from calling me in this lovely hour). Doggy, you got it.
Him: Hee hee, thank you man…Doggy’s best friend…hee hee [oho again]
Me [sarcastically]: Ya, I know, am made for F***ed up people like you and these days have started late night shifts too.
Him: Hee hee (that irritating girle type giggles, I finally got it…angelic work from Devil)
Me: Acha tell me, for how long you knew her
Him: half-a-decade
Me: Waah, waah mere aashiq waah
Him: Ya, I know…but…
Me: What?? Don’t tell me, you were afraid about the nO answer!! Dude, where was your practical mind!! What happened to your rationalism!! And then you Bas****s throw the throne of MCP to me
Him: Ya, that fear is always there. And I also know fear of failure is an emblem of weakness. May be I was weak; or I am weak
[disappointment in his environment…pause of 5 sec…]
Him: May be, I should learn from you. Guess, being a MCP is a strong show of character. Just love you buddy [again that aggravating Hee Hee]
Me: ya, I know that. A few moments back you were having the same love for a different sex. They say ‘time changes everything’ and nowdays, it is changing gender too. This environment if full of gayness now…what a lovely romantic late night heart-to-heart talk am having. I can clearly see what’s there in destiny for me. [sarcasm to limits]
….
And the conversation went on while the world slept…
Ch* will me kill me for this post. Ch*, my friend if you are reading this do forgive me and don’t think about silly suicide attempts. Oh bloody hell, F***, I can see him now. He is standing in front of me. I am standing in front of him. Both are breathing concurrently. I can clearly see him in the mirror…
[All smiles to Devil]
Hope, the fool was out of you
Well was wondering if CB can write asskicking fiction (5.sum1) , why can’t I…may be me and you too should write a book…Three Mistakes of My Life – ‘Love, Friends and Myself’[Devil still smiles]
I…
I smile an empty smile,
I laugh a hollow laugh,
The time is such-
Spirits running high
Yet I sit low,
Shed a tear and cry….
For hours I sit,
With paper and pen…
No words come…
No thoughts flow…
Nothing can ease the pain…
What hurts?
I don’t know…
Why the pain?
I can’t say…
I don’t want to stay like this…
But I can’t even run away.
Until I can figure this out,
In my own head for starters…
Here I am…
With an empty smile…
And a hollow laugh…
Bear with me…
Someday I hope it’ll all go…
Like the melting flakes of snow.
Wounds….
As I shead a lonely tear,
I wish you would be near.
To take away my fear,
To say what I wish to hear.
I wish to hear there is nothing to worry,
But don’t pretend to be with me, because for me you feel sorry.
Everyday that passes makes it all the more difficult to part,
What becomes all the more difficult is easing the pain in my heart.
Alone I stand streching out my hand,
Every thing has slipped away like grains of sand.
Nothing I am able to understand,
Even what I am writing with my very own hand.
The pain is tearing me apart,
I am bleeding in my heart.
I don’t know from where to start,
As I still care for you with all my heart.
I did not need much,
After my heart did you touch.
You just need to show that you care,
A few seconds for me every now & then, can’t you spare?
If the way you feel for me has changed,
There is no need for you to go all strange.
It is better if you let me know,
Instead of leaving seeds of pain in my heart to grow.
The pain in my heart is trapped, like a bird in a cage.
I want to let it out before it turns into rage.
If you don’t tell me what is happening on my face,
Confusion and doubts in my mind will continue to surface.
My wounds will take time to heal.
How to let go of pain which is so real?
How to tell you how helpless I feel?
How to tell you with the truth I can deal?
I want all this to end,
The pain away I want to send.
Before my control I loose,
I wish to come to terms with reality is what we choose.
A journey of a girl
For years love didn’t come my way,
“You are missing out on soemthing,” many would say.
I would say,”I am differnt from the rest,
I deserve nothing but the best.”
As the child in me blossomed into a young girl,
I had pimples and acne and hair that would curl.
I had nothing that you could call a figure,
But I had an attitude with which very few could measure.
People would look and say,”she is fat and fair.”
To feel something for me no one would dare.
But somehow did I never care,
Cause my world had not ended just because they declared I am fat and fair.
Bing myself,I learned to be happy,
Though at times my mood would go crappy.
“Take a chill pill” my Buddy would say,
“Someone special will come someday.”
That day never seemed to come,
I was declared weird by some.
“She is a bookworm lost in books,
And she walks aroung with nerdy looks.”
I decided it’s time to set the record straight.
I told everone being single is great.
Its not like I don’t love anyone.
I love myself and being single is so much fun.
I was happy and danced to my own tune,
From spring to summer, be it morning or noon.
Then suddenly I lost quite a bit of weight.
My pimples and acne dissapeared without any trace.
For everyone, suddenly I was pretty,
They would try to act all smart and witty.
I would look down upon them with pity.
Cause my world had not changed just because they declared I am pretty.
I kept waiting for my “someone special and rare,”
Whom I would see at a distance
And realize he is the one in an instance.
Whom with no one I would share.
Who would love me for who I am,
Who would make me feel that beautiful I am.
Now that I have you I realize that,
It takes more than an instance,
And you need to narrow that distance,
By communicating your thoughts.
Sitting underneath the stary sky,
How soon did time fly.
We talked for an hour or two,
But the things that we had in common were more than a few.
As we talked more and more,
You seemed to be someone special,but I wasn’t sure.
Even though my days were happy and gay,
Was I falling for you was hard to say.
One thing was for sure-I’ve never felt this way before,
As my feelings for you grew,alongside grew the fear-
What if to you I am not that dear?
What if the feelings are only here?
In an instant my doubts did disappear.
When out of the blue,a card and rose did appear.
It was something I had not anticipated.
Yet from ground to top of the world I was elevated.
What I love about you is that you are always yourself.
What I love about us is that we are different from the rest.
What I love is the understanding we share,
No matter how much the distance, we still communicate that we care.
I am the happiest when I am in your arms,
You woo me by your simple charms.
So what if most of the time we are far apart,
I love you with all my heart.
You might ask how do I know that for me you are the best,
and what makes you so differnt from the rest?
I trust you with my eyes closed is what sets you apart from the rest.
You love me for the person I am,which is why for me you are the best.