Can u see her…

“Can you see her?” my heart whispered.

“I can’t, but I would die to…”

“Just close your eyes… … and unlock your dreams… …and then, look again.”

I opened my eyes…

“What do you see?”

A vast blue ocean under an endless blue sky where little white clouds sailed on and off greeted me. And with that, a gentle cool zephyr blew on my face that brought with it a strange, sweet and inviting fragrance of some far unknown land. I looked around. It was a small stretch of sandy shore followed by a long rocky beach. On the backside, I saw a forest that separated the seaside from the world across it. And from there I could hear the sweet chirp of birds and the melody of the sea breeze playing with the leaves of the trees. As I stepped forward, I saw a small boat in the mid of the ocean that was out of my sight, lost in the ocean in a moment again. And the next moment the strange, sweet breeze from the sea brought to me an enchanting tune from the flute of some distant lover…

“What place is this? Is this heaven?”

“Is it? You know this place, don’t you? You have dreamt of this place so many times, haven’t you?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look down.”

With long high breath, I did so. And I saw something familiar. It was a pebble. I picked it up. It was round… It was smooth… And, it was blue, just like ocean in front of me. As I looked around I saw similar things all over the beach.

“I know this place, I know this place.”

“Yes, you know this place. You have known this all your life, and even before that. Its you who created it in your dreams, the most beautiful place, anywhere. It’s…”

“It’s ”

“Yes, it is … the land of the blue pebbles… tell me… can you see her now?”

“Where is she?”

“Look… there… on the rocks…”

There at a distance, I saw someone sitting on a rock right at the edge of the sea. She wore a dazzling white gown that contrasted brilliantly with the richness of her skin. She was sitting there with her arms folded around her knees and her head immersed in it. Her dark dense long hair covered her back just like the beautiful night that blankets the mysterious world underneath. After a moment, she looked up at the ocean as her locks danced passionately on her innocently pious smiling face. And yet she had a tear just out of her eye, no less pure than the morning dew. And then she stood up, right at the edge of the rock. Slowly, she raised her head looking towards the sky, and then lifted up her beautiful bare arms, spreading them like the wings of a free flying bird. And then she stood there inviting the ocean, closing her eyes. The waves craved to touch her, but they broke down crashing on the rock, only managing to kiss her elegant feet before going back. But then, one lucky wavelet managed to fly and splash on her face. The droplets dripped down from her forehead, some tenderly caressing her angelic eyelids and then her blissfully chiseled nose, while some stroked down affectionately her beatific cheeks washing away that solitary teardrop and then kissing her shivering petalled lips, before tickling her nervous throat and dripping further down, exploring the veiled world of her bosoms and beyond. As she stood there with her arms wide open, the wind and the water rushed on her making every strand of her hair dance in joy and each strand of her gown embrace her like her true love. She stood there in beauty, in freedom, in strength, in chaste and… in love…

“Do you see her now?”

“Yes, I see her.Who is she?”

“You tell me.”

“But I dont know her!”

“Oh yes you do. You always have.”

“But…”

“Tell me what do you feel?”

“I feel… I feel like seeing an angel of heaven exuding her charm over my world, robbing my self completely.”

“And what do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I am confused.”

“What do you mean?”

I didn’t know what I meant. As I stood in front of her looking at her eyes, I was not sure what I felt like. I felt excited as well as scared, I felt lost as well as rediscovered, I felt strong but I trembled as well. I didn’t know what I should do. I wanted to talk but her smile had already muted me. I wanted to touch her but she seemed unattainable.
I wanted to feel her presence in my life but she seemed an angel of a distant world, a world beyond my reach.
What was I supposed to do?
Was I to go upto her?
Was I to talk?
Was I to love?
Or was I just to stand there silent and admire?
Was I to surrender?
Had I already?
I didn’t know. Yes, I was confused, I ever was, but I knew one thing. In my dreams, in my land of the blue pebbles, where I still see the blue sky, the white clouds, the blue ocean, the white sands, the raging waves, the dark rocks; where I still hear the chirping birds, the chanting woods, the roaring sea, the enthralling flute; and where the breeze still brings the scent of a far unknown land, where the souls of heaven and earth meet to form something words are not made to describe, she will always be there with all her blissful beauty and her arms wide open waiting for the flute’s tune, the waves, the breeze… and perhaps… me…

&%^*&^%*&^%%^&*

My tears mixed with the throes of having lost you scatter my sanity as I delve in the darkness of my cuboidal room. My pillow swims in my tears and keeps yearning for a day when painful pangs might never get another successful chance to ensue my soul.

I know I went wrong horribly but I had never imagined that things would take an ugly ruthless turn where in we both wouldn’t be able to harbour forgiveness for each other. The love that once beatified our souls became an overloaded burden that we couldn’t carry.But did that really happen? Or did you walk away in haste considering me a mistake?

Your love has no rhyme or reasoning and every time I think of you I try to reassure myself that all will be fine someday.That’s when I get a news which breaks the harmoniusness of my soul.

It was one such day. I was comfortably snuggled on the cosy comfort chair,probing into a failed attempt at our first pilot plant run into the mega project of insulin development our company had procured.

The ringtone gave me nervous jitters as I heard it swelling out of my phone.This was the famous romantic song by Glen Mederios ” Nothing’s gonna change my love for you”. I had the extravagant option of selecting four ringtones and this beautiful song was the ringtone for your number.

The resonating sound left me benumbed for a moment. I saw your number and was startled to see your name flashing on the screen.

You never bothered to speak to me for five years and then all of a sudden this call out of nowhere,left me perplexed. I knew my ears would be subjected to an unpleasant news.

“Hi.How are you doing?” You enquired
“I am fine” I replied
“How is work? And your Doctorate project” You probed
“I will be leaving soon for the University of Berlin,sometime next year” I replied
“That’s great” You replied felicitating me on my achievement.
” I am getting married to Riya this week” You informed

I was devastated.This news had wrecked complete annihilation in my life.I couldn’t control the tears that swelled out of my eyes. I waited these five years with a faith unbreakable and immobile,that always assured me about your love and our reconcilation. The news of your affair with Riya had left my senses inebriated but then there was this undying faith that always told me that nothing could replace my love for you.

I was wrong. I had been replaced.

I grasped my breath.The air had been knocked out of my lungs. You had shattered my emotions,the shards of which were causing unrelenting pain,the bruises of the wounds you gave me would remain for a lifetime and beyond.

“Congratulations” I stammered
“I hope you would be there.I have sent the invitation card to your Delhi home” You informed
“I am sorry,I won’t be there” I replied affirmatively
“But why?” You inquired
“Are you expecting an answer to that?” I asked in a broken tattered voice

I threw the phone on the floor in dismay as I didn’t want my bruised heart to be engaged in a conversation with you.
“I love you Rishab,there is nothing more I have to say” I murmured to myself as tears writhed across my skin.

I collected my belongings and barged out of my room and went to inform my boss about my early exit from the office. He could sense something awry but he didn’t bother to divulge into the details.
I rushed straight to my house and telephoned my mom. She had already sensed that something was wrong with me,thanks to my stuttered speech.

“Mom,Rishab is getting married” I informed her.
“I know. We received the invitation yesterday” She confirmed
“Mom,What do I do now?” I asked

There was no answer from her.

I yelled into the receiver.

“Tell me mom,What do I do?”
“You must get married too,like him” She advised
“Mom,I hope you know what you are saying,I love him ,Mom.I really love him.” I uttered in a faltering tone”
“Please do not ruin your life for him” She pleaded
“I think it’s high time that I leave this place.I am not needed here” I stammered
Tears had enswathed my face draping me in pain. I knew life would never be the same again without you.

I plodded with my lugguage on the glossy flooring of the Airport lounge.

I walked to the ticket counter and handed over my tickets to the woman seated there. My luggage went for the security check while I comfortably accommodated myself on the chairs stationed in one corner of the Airport.

My mind was lost in a vague plethora of emotions. The millions of unanswered questions were shrouding my mind.

I was intoxicated by the pain that had enshrined my soul. My broken dreams mocked at me.It seemed to me that the world around me was derisively jeering at me,taunting me with satirial insults. My love for you had been shrouded in death.My soul was lamenting like a widow.

I had released your soul from the chained bondage of my love. My heart pined to see you for one last time,but maybe it would always remain an unfulfilled dream.

I wishfully stared at our picture,the last time we were together.

My life has been enslaved in this one picture.

The wistful longing of our togetherness would keep me alive.

I know it would keep me alive.

I remember the last note I had sent you inked in my painful tears.

To You,

I trudge along the boulevard of my broken dreams,where every thought of you leaves my sanity scattered and dismantled.
This pathway we once walked together now seems like a deserted land forsaken by the God almighty.

He robbed this land of the verdancy it yearned for,just the way he robbed me of your love.The leaves are trampled and the air is lifeless,wearing the shroud of death,mourning in tears of lamentation.

Your aura lingers in every drop of my blood,it flows in my veins.Every breath I take implants your presence in me as if you had never walked away.
My wounds are embalmed in pain, sodden in blood,they lie deserted and naked.

My heart beats to sing songs of your love,else it would have forgotten life,I swear it would have forgotten to beat.

Your face chases my dreams,shattering the rhyme and reasoning,still I would want to meet you again.

Your voice resonates in my ears,robbing me of my dreams,even then I would like to hear you again,mesmerizing me with the three golden words.

Why did you do this to me? Why couldn’t you forgive my wrongdoings for the very last time?

All these years I walked by your side kissing away every morsel of pain that touched you.Every tear that fell from your eye left me ruined.I held you close to me never letting you fail,never letting you fall.

You had every inch of me,then and now.

For all my pain and suffering I know I can’t put the blame on you.You deserved love in all its purity and maybe she gave you what I could never give you and might never be able to give you.

Yesterday I opened the old rusted metal box in which I had preserved the tokens of your love.

The love letters inked in blue blood on the ebony white paper,the silver bracelet embellished with your love and that one last moment of love captured in time,that last picture of our happier times together.

I know I am blessed to have them with me and hoping I can keep them with me forever,just like your love.

I know I might have never told you this, but then even in the songs of death,it’s only your love that has raised me to stand up on my own.It made me thrush and crush the mountains and turn my suffering into chaff.I have nurtured your love in me like a silent prayer that makes me whole and beatifies me in pure bliss.

I might not be the woman of y

our dreams,but trust me I have loved you for a lifetime and will love you beyond eternity.

If you ever realize my love for you,then please do come back to me.

I will be waiting for you with a prayerful heart till death doesn’t come knocking at my doors.

” I will be loving you always “

With lots of love,Me…

One liner

What looks to be Nothing,
Finally Becomes Everything..
And What Looks Everything,
Finally Becomes Nothing..

THATS LIFE!!!!
Live to learn and learn to live…

Some random views.

I can stand on the tallest mountains or swim through the stormiest seas because of your flawless and innocent love. Your love is like a sturdy shield which protects me during every ferocious battle with sin

random

As the new sun greets me everday, day by day I realize more about the good things happened to me in the past which I thought was ugly when it was present, make my inspiration to work for today to get the stronghold for the future.

And the life goes on..

Gone are those Days….

When
The school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays,
yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and
Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to Color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating
first with tables and then with
Clarke’s tables and advanced to Calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals,
and returned to the classrooms Drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,Playgrounds,
under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,
Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week’s Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played “kabadi” and “Kho-Kho” in scorching sun,
While others simply played “book cricket” in the Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to “Conquer” window seats in our School bus!
While few others had “Big Fun”, “peppermint” ,
“Kulfi”, “milk ice!” and “sharbat!” at 4o Clock!
Gone are the days
Of Sports Day,
and the annual School Day,
And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days Of the stressful Quarterly,
Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
and the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days Of tenth and twelfth standards,
when we spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don’t have time to say a `Hi’!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we have matrix in our laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our ideas doesn’t Work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms…..!
Gone are the days
Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don’t shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all… like the one I’m doing now….!!
Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and ever…..
Gone are the Days…. But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!
NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE,
DONT FORGET TO
LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL
EXISTS……

(Anonymous)

POWER OF WORDS

5 mins flat

Today is such a beautiful day

Come in the world what may

Let your words flow and mind sway

Let your imagination take you miles away

Feel yourself being carried away

To utopia – a place far, far, faraway.

Let words be the horse and heart be the king

Your mind is the chariot, while you merrily sing

Today is such a beautiful day

Filled with leisure, devoid of dismay

Take a journey through the soft, mellow-voiced world of your thoughts

Let them flow freely through your voice into this world full of noughts.

Take a stand, be a believer

Come what may, be an achiever

Express yourself – free your soul

Look ahead to view your goal.

No man is born twice so be prudent and wise

Wake up from your slumber and rise.

Rise in unison against all those forces that weaken you

to free this world from all those who threaten you.

It’s easy to sit back, complain and be complacent

but tough to get up, dare and make a difference.

No destiny rules, no fate holds you

You are the master of the game

No one has the will to control you

unless you allow yourself to be tamed.

Today is such a beautiful day

It’s a fleeting moment, make it stay

through your thoughts , ideas and opinions

which can make a difference to all those minions

being crushed every hour under the weight of humanity

Survival of the fittest you know , or is it all insanity ?

Let it be that beautiful day

when words flow and minds sway

to rejuvenate the essence of a charming life

free from malice, war and strife

let this earth become paradise , is utopia faraway ?